Saturday, April 14, 2007

Quit shaking my snowglobe!!

Do you ever feel like your life is a snowglobe? You know what I mean. Those little glass bubbles with the fake snow that settles gently to the bottom until someone shakes it up and makes everything start swirling again. My life is most definitely a snowglobe. Just when the little flakes start to settle someone picks it up and shakes the living daylights out of it.

First, I lost my midwife. I thought I would just call up DJ and make an appointment and we'd be good to go. But Wisconsin just passed a law requiring certification for midwives, and DJ isn't certified yet. She will be certified by October-November, but that's a bit late for a early December due date. So, I had to call all over trying to find someone. I found a midwife in Appleton and made an appointment. I got her packet of information today. She is much more medical than DJ, and her fee is $2500... $1800 if you pay in cash before 36 weeks. So, we have to come up with that money somehow. I thought for like a millisecond about just going to the hospital. After all, it's free through MA. But no, I am not going to birth like that. I am still feeling unsettled about the whole matter...that fear of the unknown thing. I am praying for peace about my decision.

Next, my husband decides to wig out. First, he's depressed, which was horrible. Then, he rebounds into a strong leadership role. His first big decision..... are you ready..... are you sure.....

Not getting a mortgage, not buying the house. Staying here, renting and waiting.

And he decides to tell me this on the very day that the final paperwork we needed for the application arrived in the mail. On a day when I also happened to be very exhausted and emotionally drained. Not good.

One minute I think I know what's going on, life is good and things are falling into place. The next minute someone is shaking the living daylights out of my snowglobe.


Partyhouse 4 God said...

Wow, what a shake! I am praying that you will have wisdom and strength as all these snowflakes are falling on you. Did he say why he didn't want to get the mortgage? Maybe God gave him a clue about something and has a better plan for you.
I know you don't like the hospital, but so far I have been able to birth the way that I wanted to and not "conventionally". I mean how many people get to have a child standing on a bed and telling the doctor who is asking you to lie down "tough- I am staying right here and getting ice cream in a few moments!!!" Maybe God wants you to go through the hospital because He knows that there could be complications during this birth. I don't know the future, all I care about is that you and the baby are safe.
Go through the doors that are open and stop if the doors shut. That is what I have had to learn lately. I will still be praying, and I hope you know that I believe in you and I believe basically what you do, I just have a stronger willed husband that is a bit more controlling so I just do with what I have and let God handle the rest. Keep me updated and make sure you wear a jacket in the snow.

Partyhouse 4 God said...

I just found out that since I haven't really posted on blogger since Oct 06, I had to resign up so that I could keep my posts. So, I guess I will need to keep it up so that I can keep talking with you. I forgot that you use blogger and I use xanga.