Thursday, October 11, 2007

It's not about me

I had one of those "Ah-ha" moments last night. You know, those moments when something you already thought you knew comes crashing to the surface again.

Yesterday was busy. I had co-op, ran errands, threw dinner on the table, and ran off to Bible study. It was the first night of a new study, Beth Moore's "Daniel". The first session focused on Babylon and how it relates to today's Western culture. Both are self-absorbed and sinful. The "Babylon Motto" as Beth calls it is found in Isaiah 47:10 "I am and there is none besides me." I sat through the video thinking about how well our family has done throwing off the cloak of culture and trying to live the way God intended.

Then I got home. I was tired. The last 2 days had been brutal. All I wanted was to check my e-mail and crawl in bed. But Ruby wouldn't go to bed. This is not unusual, most nights it takes her an hour to settle down. But this time was different. Instead of the usual defiant "pop-up" routine, she just stood in her doorway and cried pitifully for mama. She hadn't seen me all day. Instead of coming to co-op, she stayed home because she has a little cold. Then I came home and left again without spending any time with her. She just didn't feel good and she needed me.

Though the self wanted to ignore the crying and go to bed, I couldn't do it. I spent about half an hour rocking her to sleep like I used to do. What a blessing that time was. Praise God for gently reminding me that it's not about me, that I still have selfishness in my own heart to deal with. He could have chosen a harsher treatment but instead used my soft, sleepy, sweet little girl.

No comments: